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A. Wilder Westgate's avatar

I know we keep saying this to each other, but I feel like I could've written so much of this myself. I'm very much still working on boundaries with my family, even as they seem to come so naturally with many of my friends, who have done similar work and are in similar places. What you write about your coping strategies and parentification, and the difficulty of letting those things go, strikes so deep.

A memory that popped into my head just now is when I was little - maybe 4? - and my parents and older sibling pulled a prank on me that made me really scared and upset. I ran to my room crying, and my mom came to comfort me, but my body stiffened when she tried to hug me because I felt betrayed, and instead of giving me time, or even gently giving me space, she responded with anger, and then I was left alone; I don't remember any follow-up repair or apology. It's likely none of them remember it now, but I've thought about it kind of often over the years, and I think it speaks to how sensitive I was, and how there often wasn't room for that growing up, as well as how I came to expect to have to process everything on my own.

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