I know we keep saying this to each other, but I feel like I could've written so much of this myself. I'm very much still working on boundaries with my family, even as they seem to come so naturally with many of my friends, who have done similar work and are in similar places. What you write about your coping strategies and parentification, and the difficulty of letting those things go, strikes so deep.
A memory that popped into my head just now is when I was little - maybe 4? - and my parents and older sibling pulled a prank on me that made me really scared and upset. I ran to my room crying, and my mom came to comfort me, but my body stiffened when she tried to hug me because I felt betrayed, and instead of giving me time, or even gently giving me space, she responded with anger, and then I was left alone; I don't remember any follow-up repair or apology. It's likely none of them remember it now, but I've thought about it kind of often over the years, and I think it speaks to how sensitive I was, and how there often wasn't room for that growing up, as well as how I came to expect to have to process everything on my own.
It’s like we’re living parallel lives 😂 I love that we’ve connected here, because I know that I’ve grown and shifted views from the things you’ve shared.
If only we could share cup of tea and go deep into it all, because there’s so much I could say, so many questions I could ask, but don’t have the space to do it.
All I will say is that our experience is real. And even if it isn’t overt abuse, it’s almost a denial of what our experiences have meant to us, leaving a lot of confusion in the wake. I hope you can find the underlying needs that little A had in that memory and give it to her now ❤️
Yes! If you're ever in the U.S. or I'm in Canada (which I'd love someday) we'll have to plan a date!
And thank you for that, and for sharing all you do here. It definitely makes me feel less alone. And it gives me great reminders to be gentle with myself and think about my inner child, which can be so easy to overlook. ❤️
I know we keep saying this to each other, but I feel like I could've written so much of this myself. I'm very much still working on boundaries with my family, even as they seem to come so naturally with many of my friends, who have done similar work and are in similar places. What you write about your coping strategies and parentification, and the difficulty of letting those things go, strikes so deep.
A memory that popped into my head just now is when I was little - maybe 4? - and my parents and older sibling pulled a prank on me that made me really scared and upset. I ran to my room crying, and my mom came to comfort me, but my body stiffened when she tried to hug me because I felt betrayed, and instead of giving me time, or even gently giving me space, she responded with anger, and then I was left alone; I don't remember any follow-up repair or apology. It's likely none of them remember it now, but I've thought about it kind of often over the years, and I think it speaks to how sensitive I was, and how there often wasn't room for that growing up, as well as how I came to expect to have to process everything on my own.
It’s like we’re living parallel lives 😂 I love that we’ve connected here, because I know that I’ve grown and shifted views from the things you’ve shared.
If only we could share cup of tea and go deep into it all, because there’s so much I could say, so many questions I could ask, but don’t have the space to do it.
All I will say is that our experience is real. And even if it isn’t overt abuse, it’s almost a denial of what our experiences have meant to us, leaving a lot of confusion in the wake. I hope you can find the underlying needs that little A had in that memory and give it to her now ❤️
Yes! If you're ever in the U.S. or I'm in Canada (which I'd love someday) we'll have to plan a date!
And thank you for that, and for sharing all you do here. It definitely makes me feel less alone. And it gives me great reminders to be gentle with myself and think about my inner child, which can be so easy to overlook. ❤️
I love that idea! What state do you live in? (I hope that’s broad enough to answer!)
I'm in New York State! Upstate, in the sense that I don't live in NYC, but not actually up near the Canadian border lol.