I love the distinction you make between people holder and people pleaser. Recently I've been surprised because ive been excited about an event all year and paid a deposit etc etc but now it's almost here, I feel tired and my gut says "don't drag yourself and your family there" so I'm listening to that. But I keep second-guessing myself. It takes a lot of practice to listen to those quieter niggles..
I made that distinction when I realized that people pleasing comes from a good place but ultimately lacks boundaries.
I can understand that feeling, and sometimes it’s worth it to push through the initial resistance to do something you know will be life giving; other times, our inner knowing pushes us to make the call that goes against what we think we ought to do.
It’s difficult but trusting that sense is very brave of you to do ❤️
I am so glad my piece sparked something with you. I have found myself getting deeply familiar with my NO since becoming a Mother. The evidence is so clear to me that when I say yes when it should be a no... I abandon my SELF and simply fuel the people pleasing narratives that I am trying to hard to disentangle from. I have a very complex relationship - I am learning - with DISAPPOINTMENT. So many times I have favoured not disappointing other people and in turn disappointed my self. My soul. It’s a learning journey that I am getting more comfortable with but it’s far from easy. Beautiful piece and lots to contemplate, thank you xxx
The fear of disappointment is such a strong motivator in abandoning yourself. I’ve also really really struggled with the thought that other people will be disappointed by my choices, so I’ve had to have an internal pep talk acknowledging that the fear is real, and I’ll be okay anyway
I love how you say that, Lauren-- "getting deeply familiar with my NO since becoming a Mother." It really has been one of the gifts of maturity is saying no more and feeling good about it, instead of guilty.
It just kinda came into my mind when I realized that people pleasing has positive intentions to love the people around us, but lacks boundaries. I’m glad the thought resonates with you as well! It’s such a hard and beautiful lesson to learn
I love the distinction you make between people holder and people pleaser. Recently I've been surprised because ive been excited about an event all year and paid a deposit etc etc but now it's almost here, I feel tired and my gut says "don't drag yourself and your family there" so I'm listening to that. But I keep second-guessing myself. It takes a lot of practice to listen to those quieter niggles..
I made that distinction when I realized that people pleasing comes from a good place but ultimately lacks boundaries.
I can understand that feeling, and sometimes it’s worth it to push through the initial resistance to do something you know will be life giving; other times, our inner knowing pushes us to make the call that goes against what we think we ought to do.
It’s difficult but trusting that sense is very brave of you to do ❤️
I am so glad my piece sparked something with you. I have found myself getting deeply familiar with my NO since becoming a Mother. The evidence is so clear to me that when I say yes when it should be a no... I abandon my SELF and simply fuel the people pleasing narratives that I am trying to hard to disentangle from. I have a very complex relationship - I am learning - with DISAPPOINTMENT. So many times I have favoured not disappointing other people and in turn disappointed my self. My soul. It’s a learning journey that I am getting more comfortable with but it’s far from easy. Beautiful piece and lots to contemplate, thank you xxx
The fear of disappointment is such a strong motivator in abandoning yourself. I’ve also really really struggled with the thought that other people will be disappointed by my choices, so I’ve had to have an internal pep talk acknowledging that the fear is real, and I’ll be okay anyway
I love how you say that, Lauren-- "getting deeply familiar with my NO since becoming a Mother." It really has been one of the gifts of maturity is saying no more and feeling good about it, instead of guilty.
Absolutely! It’s an unlearning. Xx
The people holder rather than a people pleaser ❤️I'm adjusting and leaning into this more and more! Love those words!
It just kinda came into my mind when I realized that people pleasing has positive intentions to love the people around us, but lacks boundaries. I’m glad the thought resonates with you as well! It’s such a hard and beautiful lesson to learn
Great article!